if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
