i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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