So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
