Who did Billy Mays play for?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
