we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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