I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
