Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
