I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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