Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
