no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
