Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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