Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
