He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think we might need a safe word for this...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
