Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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