she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
