Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
