Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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