better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
