Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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