guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
