I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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