so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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