Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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