It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
