maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
