you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
