I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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