all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
birth control should be required to get into college
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
