My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
