i permit you to call me
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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