i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
