3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
