i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
