I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
