its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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