Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
