my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he puts the penis in happiness.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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