bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
