I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
whose ass print is on the piano?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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