twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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