I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
