Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
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I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
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I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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