i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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