I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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