Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
