I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
