OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
