im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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