he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
