i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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