I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
