i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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