We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
