i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
