I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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