ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
