ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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