So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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