Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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