her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
