I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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