Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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