If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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