How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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