maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
