I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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