Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
