she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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