Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
