did you get engaged???
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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