What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize