my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
