I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
