I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
