They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you didnt know i had herpes?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
