I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
