My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
