Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
