At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
