i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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