Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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