Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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