someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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