I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
