I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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