ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
